I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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