Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
