let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
