im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
