Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
