She announced her abortion via fbk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
