Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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