belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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