I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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