In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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