Kiss
Puke
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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