so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
