Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
