The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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