Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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