Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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