You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
