on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
