so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
