he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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