ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
