Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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