I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
