But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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