What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
