I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
