why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
operation have a gay friend backfired
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
