drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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