So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
