You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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