you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
