ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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