took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
