I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
