Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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