Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
