When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
