Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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