I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
