is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
