there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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