...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
