I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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