sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
