how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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