The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
