I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
