I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
