After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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