i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
