Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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